Make Me Wanna Die
by caityjane
Summary: Finn Hudson had held her heart since day one. It was too late to ever imagine getting it back. Set after Bad Reputation, Finchel fic. Hope you enjoy!
1. Glee Rehearsal

Errrm. Well it's a short introduction, I'm hoping the chapters will get longer as I get into it. I love Finchel, so I'm hoping to write a lot more about them! Enjoy :)

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Glee (shame) and the story name is from the song 'Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless'

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The club held the last note, and thrust their hands up in the air – big beaming smiles on their faces. The music faded out and I looked towards Mr Schue for his approval.

"Good work today, guys! We'll work on Don't Stop Believing on Thursday. See you next rehearsal guys!" As Mr Schue gathered up his music sheets and left the room. The other gleeks burst into chatter, weighing up their chances at Regionals, swapping gossip and laughing with each other.

I was alone.

I should have been used to it by now, ever since Run Joey Run, with Jesse going back to Carmel, Puck getting back with Quinn and Finn flirting with Santana. Puck didn't give me the time of day anymore (so much for only us understanding what it was truly like to be a Jew) and Finn...

Oh, Finn Hudson.

I wanted him so badly. I really, really did. I knew I messed up trying to make him jealous with Jesse. But at the time, I really though me and Jesse could work. He was the hot male lead of Vocal Adrenaline. I was the stunning young ingénue of New Directions. It was totally erotic and romantic, our Romeo and Juliet type romance. Until I said I was ready to have sex. But whilst I was waiting in that bathroom, cold, harsh reality washed over me.

Finn Hudson had held my heart since Day 1.

And the only person I wanted to be with that... emotionally, was him.

As I was stood in that bathroom, curlers teasing through my hair, thoughts of what Finn and Santana were up to sliced through my brain. My heart ached with longing for him.

And now I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

So stood on that stage, as Santana stroked Finn's arm, I had never felt more alone. Sure, I knew the gleeks didn't really like me. They _tolerated_ me simple because of my incredible talent. My voice was the voice that was going to snatch us Regionals. But, at least back then I knew that Finn cared for me. Finn liked me. Finn had kissed me _twice_. I would never forget the touch of his lips against mine, his heart pounding so close to mine, my hands snaked around his neck.

I used to think that all I needed was my dreams, and two supportive dads to get me through the rejections in the tough world of Broadway. I never saw myself falling for one Finn Hudson.

Collecting my music sheet, I turned towards the stage door. Santana had pulled Finn in for a deep kiss. My eyes prickled with tears I was determined not to shed.

That night, I ran home and sobbed.


	2. Failed Reconciliation

**FINN POV. (some bad language)**

Santana was stroking my arm. And damn straight it was pissing me off.

I thought she realised after our night in some seedy motel that I didn't want her. I wanted Rachel Berry. Her animal sweaters. Her very tiny skirts. Her knee high socks. Her gorgeous brown eyes and her breathtaking voice. I wanted her so badly.

The thought that my perfect girl had sex with that douchebag Jesse make me sick inside. No, not sick inside. That would be an... understatement (I think that's the word Rachel would use). It made me want to tear my insides out, punch a couple of walls and maybe give Jesse a black eye at the same time.

Damn though, I couldn't judge her. I'd had sex with an easy Cheerio just for the sake of it. For the sake of my reputation.

Then Run Joey Run aired. I totally overreacted.

_Rachel was stood up in front of us, a beaming smile on her face. One that I took away. Hate bubbled up inside of me, the thought she could put me in the same video as Puck (my ex-best friend who'd had sex with my ex-girlfriend and knocked her up) and Jesse (complete using douchebag from Vocal Adrenaline). _

_I couldn't hold it in any longer._

"_This is garbage!" _

_Rachel looked hurt – there looked to be the possibility of tears at any moment._

"_It was an artistic statement!" She hit back, a stricken look on her face._

"_No, it wasn't! It was you trying to look like you had a bunch of guys fighting over you so you could stop looking like some kind of outcast and be seen as some hot slutty girl singer!_ _How could you do this to me? To all us guys?_ _Is your stupid reputation more important than your relationships?" I stormed out, leaving Rachel stood there, leaving the love of my life stood there..._

I obviously felt guilty. I knew I'd treated Rachel so badly and after Jesse went back to Carmel I knew I needed to make it up to her. I shuffled in my seat, trying desperately to concentrate on what to say to Rachel instead of the irritating stroking taking place on my arm.

Potential apologizes zapped around my head, but it all sounded wrong. Too soppy or too serious or just plain rubbish. I saw Rachel move towards the door from her position on the stage and I knew I had to act fast. I stood up, hoping maybe I could fluke my way back into her life and took a step towards her, when Santana dragged me down into a deep kiss. Ten seconds in I realised what was going on and I broke it off. Movement in the corner of my eye brought realisation to my sometimes stupid brain. Rachel had gone. And once again I'd pissed up my chances with her.

"Santana, what the hell? We've talked about this!" I whispered angrily at her.

"Just because you think having sex with me was a mistake doesn't mean I'm going to let myself be second best to man-hands. That wouldn't be good for my reputation, would it?" She smirked, skipped over to Brittany and they left holding pinkies.

I slid back into my chair with a groan. Everyone in glee had left by now, or so I thought.

"Dude, you need serious help with the chicks. So, do you want it or not?"

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**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and keep reviewing, reviews make my day! Just watched Laryngitis and thought it was brilliant! Also a big thank you to all my reviewers and readers so far. :)**

**Love Caity :D xx**


	3. Little Help From My Friends

Thank you for all the story alerts guys :D Never thought I'd get anything for this, and I'm really enjoying writing it. Depending on how fast I get through all my revision notes, there might be another update by the end of the night, updates generally slow down during the weekend though, so be warned. In case any of you were wondering, the name of the story does not mean someone is going to die. I just think the song reflects this story well. Anyway, this notes almost the same size as the story, will try to make it longer next time. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Don't own Glee, or the characters or anything really... :(**

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**Puck's POV.**

I messed up pretty bad. I mean, Quinn Fabray was hot, but she was also Finn's Girl. But this sex shark resists no woman, so she ended up in my bed... and knocked up with my kid.

Finn and I had a bromance like no other. That makes me sound like a fag, but it was the straight truth. We'd met in first grade and been best mates ever since. We both knew what it was like to live without a dad. We both knew what it felt like to be part of the shittest football team in the whole of America. We both knew what it felt like to be slushied in the face. But I had to go and knock up his girlfriend. I pissed up everything.

At risk of sounding like a homo, I'll admit I miss him a lot. I relied on him, my big dopey friend who was a hell of a lot more loyal then the football jerks. Turns out I hurt him too much.

During Glee I'd watch him mourning over Rachel. He messed up pretty bad there too. Especially after Run Joey Run. Puckzilla wasn't too fussed, he had his Quinn back. But Finn had no-one.

So after Santana decided to go ruin things for him (that girl was a bitch! Dumping me because of my finances!) I decided to step in.

"Dude, you need serious help with the chicks. So, do you want it or not?" I hung around after everyone had gone to ask.

He slowly turned around, a look of utter disbelief on his face.

"I said we were cool, Puck. Doesn't mean I'll ever forgive you or trust you, ever, ever, ever again!" He spat at me. I'm not going to lie, it hurt.

"I'm trying to help. Don't try to lie to me, I've known you for too long, and you totally fancy Rachel freaking Berry. You've messed up, a hell of a lot, and I'm trying to make up every little bit of shit I've put you through – I'm not saying we have to be mates,"

Finn looked confused. I gave him a minute or two, I knew it would be a lot for him to process.

"How the hell do I trust you? Last time I trusted you, you knocked up my girlfriend. Last time I trusted you, you threw it all the hell back in my face!" He began to shout as he got to the end of his speech.

"Fine, dude. See you next rehearsal," I began to leave, wondering if Santana would be up for some sexting tonight, when his voice interrupted me.

"I never said I didn't want your help. What do you have in mind?" Finn sounded upset and defeated. This situation needed a sprinkle of Puck's magic touch.

"Now listen up Hudson, I ain't gonna repeat this. The ladies, they love you to get to know them. They like you to play them soft, be nice to them, be apologetic for your mistakes, buy them presents and stuff like that. Rachel Berry? She's no exception, although she's not like usual hot chicks. Consider it, play to your strengthens and her weakness," I sauntered out, a smirk on my face. I'd tried to help Finn best I could and as far as I was concerned, we were even.

Now I just had to worry about how I was going to afford Quinn's next supersize meal. Pool cleaning businesses do not go down well winter in Ohio.


	4. Getting The Girl and Losing The Boy

Bit of a boring filler to be honest. I hope this is satisfactory. I'm not too sure right now if this is right for the story, and if so I might have to go back and change it. Would be helpful if you reviewed honestly and told me what you thought?

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee.. sadly. And as I've said before, the song belongs to the Pretty Reckless.**

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Rachel's POV.**

After a few hours of sobbing into my pillow, I realised I was better then some heartbreaking fool. I was Rachel Berry! Crying into my pillow wasn't going to get me to Broadway, and it was sure disrupting my My Space schedule. I found my camera, set it up and searched Google for the appropriate song to reflect my mood. Soon enough, I'd got it.

"Hello again. This song is to... reflect how I feel right now at this moment in time. And if you're watching, I hope you enjoy it. Three, two, one...

_Take me im alive, never was a girl with a wicked mind_  
_but everything looks better, when the sun goes down..._  
_I had everything, opportunities for eternity and i_  
_could belong to the night..._  
_I, see your eyes, i can see in your eyes, your eyes..._

_You make me wanna die_  
_I'll never be good enough... you make me wanna die_  
_And everything you love...right up in the light_  
_Every time i look inside your eyes..._  
_make me wanna die_

_Taste me drink my soul, show me all the things that i_  
_shouldn't know, when there's a new moon on the rise..._  
_I had everything, opportunities for eternity and i_  
_could belong to the night..._  
_I, see your eyes, i can see in your eyes, your eyes,_  
_everything in your eyes, your eyes..._

_You make me wanna die_  
_I'll never be good enough...you make me wanna die_  
_And everything you love...right up in the light_  
_Every time i look inside your eyes... (i'm running in the_  
_light)_  
_Make me wanna die_

_I would die for you, my love, my love..._  
_I would lie for you, my love, my love... (make me wanna_  
_die)_  
_I would steal for you, my love, my love... (make me_  
_wanna die)_  
_I would die for you, my love, my love_

_But up in the light..._  
_Every time i look inside your eyes... (i'm running in the_  
_light)_  
_Up inside your eyes... (i'm running in the light)_  
_Look inside your eyes..._  
_Make me wanna die_

Thank you."

I turned off the camera with a smirk and uploaded it straight to My Space. That would be the last time Jesse, Noah or Finn ever got to me again. From now on I was going to focus on my career, maybe make some friends. Show the world I didn't need a man in my life to become a successful young woman. I wanted to win my first award by the age of twenty after all.

I grabbed my phone off the side and texted Tina.

"Would you like to come to sleep at mine tomorrow with Mercedes and Kurt? My parents are out and they're leaving me pizza money – Rachel *"

A reply popped back almost straight away.

"uhh sure we'll b there – t"

It didn't look like the most enthusiastic of replies. But I was planning on at least getting along with them. I no longer had Finn, so I needed some people to chat to at glee.

After an eventful day, I went to sleep quickly that night, content.

(Even though I still loved Finn Hudson with all my heart).

**Finn's POV.**

That night, I couldn't get what Puck had said out of my head.

'_Consider it, play to your strengths and her weakness'._

Well sorry if I sound stupid, but Rachel Berry had never seemed like the type of chick to have a weakness. I'd known her for the best couple of months of my life and never seen anything that looked like a weakness.

_Think Hudson, think..._

Rachel Berry liked animal sweaters. Rachel Berry loved show tunes. Rachel Berry loved Broadway. Rachel Berry loved singing

If I sang her a song that showed her how much she meant to me, would that win her over? Probably...

But what kind of song could I sing? I mean, I didn't even know what Broadway was until I joined Glee club.

_C'mon Finn, you can do better then this..._

When I was going out with Rachel, with the whole scary cat calendars and things, what else did she used to pester me about...

_Fuck Hudson! Why didn't you listen to her more?_

That's it! She wanted me to make a My Space video with her. Maybe she would have songs she liked on there?

I loaded up the laptop and searched Rachel Berry, scrolling down the page until I saw her beautiful face. I clicked on her profile to see she had uploaded a song minutes earlier.

"_You make me wanna die..."_

A sick feeling in my gut told me this was aimed at me. The same sick feeling also told me that if I didn't act fast I was gonna lose the girl.

That night led to no sleep at all.

(And I had no solutions to win back the girl I loved with all my heart.)


	5. Makeovers and Serenades

**Okay, first of all I am sorry for the time it took me to update. I have exams coming up soon, so I am studying and on the weekends I'm generally not at home, therefore I find it difficult to update. I made it double the length, to make up for the delay. I think a lot happens, so I really do hope you enjoy. Finchel time! Thank you to my reviews, and those who've put me on alert.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or Rent.**

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**Rachel POV.**

I spent all day preparing for Tina, Mercedes and Kurt's arrival. I tidied my already impeccable room, bought out my corner shop with food and brought down all the pillows and duvets from the spare bedroom to make a sleepover paradise. I'd never had a sleepover before, but I knew how much fun they were and what was supposed to happen there. Just as I was putting out the DVDs, the doorbell rang.

"Hey, girlfriend!" Mercedes sang, Tina and Kurt smiling behind her.

"Hi guys, come in!" I said, opening the door so they could get through. They traipsed into the sitting room and I smiled when I heard their gasps of surprise as they saw the room. Duvets and blankets covered the floor, pillows scattered around, making the room the perfect place to fall asleep. The walls were covered in pink fairy lights and the curtains were shut, making it a comfortable little cave. Show tunes softly played from the radio, which was on a table full of food and a stack of DVDs stood next to the TV. A karaoke set lay next to the TV, just in case anyone wanted to practise for glee (yeah, right).

"Oh my god!" Kurt breathed.

"Seriously?" Tina's eyes were wide open with shock.

"This is totally gonna be the best night ever!" Mercedes plonked herself on the sofa, unpacking her bag, "I brought so much stuff, cus I didn't know what you already had!" She pulled out crisps, more DVDs and make up from the depths of her pink leopard skin carryall.

"I totally know what this night calls for now..." Kurt said, his eyes gleaming with a spark that only appeared when he had an idea.

"Oh I know what you mean!" Tina nodded and grinned at me, Mercedes winking at her.

"MAKEOVER!" the three of them spoke at once, and began rooting through their bags for brushes and clothes.

"Oh no you don't!" I squealed, trying to run away from them but slipping on the blankets, "Especially not you Kurt - remember last time?"

Kurt sighed, turning his head and flicking his fringe.

"That was before."

"Before what?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"Before I realised how horrible we were to you. Before I realised that during the Run Joey Run debacle, you needed friends more then ever. And before I realised that dating your future step-brother is totally not hot. Finn's all yours sweetheart," Kurt bowed his head, looking marginally guilty about our past. Mercedes and Tina looked awkward.

Here was Kurt Hummel offering me an apology (sort of). I knew what I had to do to get this night off to a good start.

"So, let the makeover begin?" I laughed, and excited squeals told me I'd said the right thing.

**Finn's POV.**

I had the worst nights sleep ever last night, but surprisingly, I woke up with the most _awesome_ idea in my head. Kurt was my future step-brother, if our parents worked out. He was also like, really friendly with the girls. Maybe he could totally help me out?

I stifled a yawn and leaned out of my bed to grab my phone.

"need ur help. bout rach. wil u cme over n tlk 2 me?"

A response fired back straight away.

"Finn, I'd be delighted. When would you like my services?"

I decided he meant what time did I want him over.

"in an hr? tht k?"

Kurt replied "Of course. See you soon "

I rolled out of bed, slipped on my favourite jacket and slumped downstairs to get breakfast. Mom was sat at the table with a coffee, and she could tell something was wrong as soon as I walked in.

"Finn? Baby, what's wrong?" Her caring voice broke down the wall I'd built up and everything came blurting out.

"Mum it's so messed up. Santana, Rachel, Jesse, Run Joey Run... ugh!" I spat out.

"Finn, start again and tell me the full story!" Mom commanded, so I got myself a drink, calmed down and told her everything. She considered everything for a few moments before she spoke.

"I guess everything's simple really..." She broke out into a smile, and shook her head, "It always was in High School."

"How can you say that, Mom? Can't you see how upset I am, I CANNOT THINK OF WHAT TO DO!" I burst out, anger raging.

"Finn, listen to me. You love Rachel. She loves you. Isn't that obvious? Be honest with her, be honest with Santana, apologise for your mistakes and it will be okay. It always will be. Now I'm on a double shift tonight, covering for Lucy again. Be good, yes? I love you!" My mom smiled at me, kissed my cheeks and left for work.

I sat there, stunned for a moment. It really was that simple... With a jolt, I remembered Kurt was coming round, so I grabbed some breakfast and jumped in the shower. He arrived as soon as I'd slipped my jeans on. I jumped downstairs, and answered the door.

"Hey Kurt! I really need your help!" I babbled, kicking the door shut behind him and dragging him to the computer.

"I understood that much from your text. Care to explain what you require my services for?" He smirked at me, flicking his fringe.

"Well. I really like Rachel. Really badly. But I had sex with Santana. Santana's like blackmailing me over it. But I want to be with Rachel. So my mom told me to tell Rachel and Santana the truth and things. But like, Rachel's special. She likes show tunes, yeah? So do you! And cause I'm dumb, I figured you could help me pick the perfect one!" I babbled excitedly.

I watched Kurt for a moment as he took in what I'd said. He didn't ask any questions, thank God. He said only one thing.

"Rent. Without you. She'll love that song. Now get on that computer, print off the music sheet and I'll run it through with you. Then, tonight you come to Rachel's and sing your heart out. No worries about her dads, they're out and Mercedes, Tina and I are staying. Understood?" Kurt smiled, stood with his hand on one hip. I stared for a moment, before jumping to action.

"Kurt?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"You really are awesome."

"Thank you."

**Rachel's POV**

Surprisingly enough, I loved my makeover. They hadn't coated me in make up, but they'd made me look different. Instead of looking like some 'Sad hooker clown' (Finn's words from the last makeover – shoot, that was the first time I'd thought of him) I looked like Rachel Berry, but older. They'd put lashings of mascara on, making my eyes look bigger and lined them with green. With the help of blusher and soft pink lipstick, I looked almost... pretty. They'd swapped my argyle skirts and cute sweaters for a pleated black skirt, a green vest top, a black cardigan and some black heels with adorable green bows. Finally, instead of my normal hair, they'd backcombed it and gave it some volume. To be honest, I wasn't sure if we'd survive from all the hairspray, but we did.

Kurt, Mercedes and Tina looked back, surveying their work.

"LOVE IT!" Tina sang.

"You look out-of-this-world Ms Berry!" Kurt smiled.

"Babe, you look smoking!" Mercedes yelled.

And then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I giggled, and ran to the door, all smiles. I swung the door open and words failed me. A tall boy stood there, his gorgeous brown eyes looking down at me. He had a striped sweater and jeans on, converse all stars and he'd put gel in his hair.

Finn Hudson.

"Rach? Is it okay if I come in? There's a lot I want to say... You look beautiful," He spoke earnestly, looking me in the eyes, his big hands reaching out for my own. They were so soft, his touch made me go weak. I snatched my hand away, I couldn't concentrate... a hurt look flashed across his face.

"Why do you have to come now? Why? The one night where I'm making friends, proving I don't need you, or Noah, or Jesse. I wanted you so badly Finn, but you're with Santana and you can't put her through what you put me through. Granted, she can be a bitch, but no one deserves to feel that bad!" My voice grew higher and higher. I was shocked at the swear I'd used. I slowed my breathing, taking my eyes from the floor and looked deep into Finn's eyes. The thoughts I'd had in the auditorium ran through my brain...

_Finn Hudson had held my heart since Day 1._

I sighed. "Okay, Finn. Okay," I grabbed his hand and began to walk him to the sitting room.

"Thank you..." I heard him breathe from behind me.

When we got in there, Kurt, Mercedes and Tina didn't seem surprised. In fact, they looked like they were expecting him. I'd have to ask them about that later. They'd set up a little CD player; I looked at them expectantly.

"Um, Rachel, we'll wait for you in the Kitchen..." They shot off, leaving us alone.

I turned around to face Finn.

"You can sit down you know, the sofa doesn't bite!" I glanced at him, and he laughed nervously.

"Uh, no, I think it's best if I do this stood up. You should sit down though," He walked over to the CD player and slipped a disk in. I tried to not be insulted at the fact he'd told me to sit in my own house, and made myself comfortable.

A familiar tune started to play...

**Finn's POV**

I was so nervous. Sick to the stomach. This was for Rach, Hudson, it was for your Rachel.

The music began to play.

_Without you, the ground thaws__  
__the rain falls__  
__the grass grows_

_Without you, the seeds root__  
__the flowers bloom__  
__the children play_

_The stars gleam__  
__the poets dream__  
__the eagles fly__  
__without you_

_The Earth turns__  
__the sun burns__  
__but I die, without you_

_Without you, the breeze warms__  
__the girl smiles__  
__the cloud moves_

_Without you, the tides change__  
__the boys run__  
__the oceans crash_

_The crowds roar__  
__the days soar__  
__the babies cry__  
__without you_

_The moon glows__  
__the river flows__  
__but I die without you_

_The world revives__  
__colors renew__  
__but I know blue__  
__only blue__  
__lonely blue__  
__willingly blue__  
__Without you_

_Without you, the hand gropes__  
__the ear hears__  
__the pulse beats_

_Without you, the eyes gaze__  
__the legs walk__  
__the lungs breathe_

_The mind churns__  
__the heart yearns__  
__the tears dry without you_

_Life goes on__  
__but I'm gone__  
__'cause I die, without you__  
__without you__  
__without you__  
__without you....._

I hit the last note as a tear fell from Rachel's eye. I shifted uncomfortably, not knowing if it was good or bad tears.

"Rachel, I love you. I am so, so sorry it's took me this long to tell you, but I'm not with Santana. It's oh-so-complicated, but all I want is you. We need to talk rea-" I was cut off by a sobbing Rachel pressing her lips softly to mine. It was the sweetest, most beautiful kiss I'd ever experienced (This was the effect Rachel had on me, she made me sound like a pansy!). I moaned into the kiss and we fell onto the sofa, her small hands running through my hair. We broke apart, gasping for air.

"Nice talk!" I laughed.

"Yeah... I'm good at that," She winked at me and I laughed even harder.

I brought her into a hug and I whispered into her ear "I meant it by the way."

"What?" Her breath tickled my neck.

"You look beautiful!" I smiled into her hair, and she dragged me down into another sweet kiss.


	6. First Date Nerves

**Here you go! Chapter 6! Amazed I wrote it so quickly! Well, this is a bit of a filler, but I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Glee. :(**

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Rachel's POV**

I woke up the next morning holding Finn's hand, curled up with him on the sofa. After our steamy kissing session, I went and got Kurt, Mercedes and Tina and we messed around a bit, singing on the karaoke and we watched a couple of DVDs. By 3am we were all shattered, and Finn didn't want to disturb his mom by going home, so we stayed on the sofa whilst the others dozed off on the floor. Easing my hand out of Finn's (with much regret) I tip-toed out of the living room and started making some pancakes for everyone.

"Morning gorgeous!" Finn whispered in my ear, and he grabbed my waist in a hug.

"Finn, you scared me half to death!" I said, turning and smiling at him.

"Sorry, Rach babe. I've been awake for ages though, watching you sleep cause you look so cute when you sleep. Though I kinda sound a bit perverted now. But seriously yeah," Finn rushed.

"Finn, you're babbling. Did you just call me babe?" I blushed.

"Well... um. I like calling you that but if you don't want –"

I cut him off.

"I like it, trust me..." He smiled at me and captured my lips in another soft kiss.

"Seriously? It's _way_ too early in the morning to be seeing sights like that!" Kurt barged into the kitchen.

"I know guys, we haven't even eaten our breakfast!" Mercedes laughed.

Finn and I muttered apologies, blushing and laughing. We all ate and then Kurt, Mercedes and Tina go ready to go home.

"Awesome sleepover Rachel! Thanks!" "Yeah white girl, not bad!" "You are so being invited to my annual pamper evening next month. See you at Glee!" They said their goodbyes and left, leaving me and Finn awkwardly in the living room.

"So..." I started.

"Do you think we should have that talk now, maybe?" Finn asked. I know I should have said yes, but frankly I was too tired and just wanted _him_ so badly right then.

"Kiss me." I stated.

What teenage boy would refuse an offer like that? We clutched each other and fell onto the sofa again.

**Finn's POV.**

"Kiss me." Rachel bluntly said, so I jumped at her, my lips attacking hers. My lips traced her neck, her hands travelled up my abs. It felt _so freaking good_ but _so freaking wrong_ as I needed to tell her so badly about Santana and how I wanted it so badly to be her, I wanted my first time to have been with her. But, my penis thought first, so I kept kissing her, our tongues darting around each others. I broke it off, gasping for air, struggling with the tightness in my pants.

"What's up?" Rachel asked, her eyes filled with concern.

_Mailman, mailman, mailman, mailman._

"I just, uh, have a problem. That's all. I get happy way too easily when I'm making out with hot girls," I blurted out uncomfortably.

Realisation dawned on her face.

"OH. Ohhh. Fair enough!" She smiled at me, an understanding smile that made me feel warm inside.

"I think we should do this properly, Rach babe," I said, taking her hand in mine.

"What do you mean?" She eyed me suspiciously, as if she thought I was going to let her down again.

"Rachel Berry, will you go on a date with me?" I asked.

She smiled, a rosy pink colour in her cheeks.

"I'd love to, Mr Hudson!"

**Rachel's POV.**

I was getting ready for my date with Finn.

**Finn Hudson.**

Just saying his name sent a shiver of anticipation down my spine. Finn was the hottest guy in school, the footballs team quarterback and the glee club's main male vocalist. And he wanted to date me, Rachel Berry.

Not only did he want to date me, but we'd already had some pretty hot make out sessions.

After our sleepover, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and I were pretty close, so I enlisted their help so I looked really hot for Finn. They were pacing around my room, looking through my clothes. Kurt dictated what was hot and what was not.

"If it has an animal on it, no. If it has a checked pattern on it, no. One colour tights are also a no. In fact, screw this, let me have a look! Move aside Rachel, fashionista at work!" Kurt ordered.

After much debate, they'd decided on black skinny jeans (God knows where they found them) with a tight red t-shirt. They paired it with black heels ("To give it a bit of class!" – Mercedes) and a leather jacket. They coated my eye with a line of black, and maximised my lashes. After foundation, red lipstick and straightened hair, I was ready.

"Are you sure this is okay? I mean, last time I had a makeover, I was called a sad, clown, hooker or something and maybe Finn likes me how I am!" I gushed, nerves pounding through my body.

"Calm. Girl, of course he likes you how you are! But no boy is going to be able to resist how smoking you look tonight!" Mercedes hushed.

"The woman speaks truth!" Kurt joined in, "You look _incredible_ if I do say so myself. Now, grab your purse from the side, remember to keep your mobile and purse on you at all times and call me as soon as you get home with the details. Depending on the time. Some things can wait till the morning!"

"Too right! Remember the most important thing, have fun!" Tina smiled in the background, always caring about how I felt, more then how I looked.

"You're right! Thank you!" I gave them hugs and they left through the back door.

As soon as they left, the doorbell rang. I checked my hair in the mirror, smoothed out my jeans and then practised walking sexily to the door.

"I think I'm your date for the evening, madam!" Finn smiled, giving me a cheeky wink.

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**Thank you for Reading! Hope you enjoyed! Reviewing would mean the world to me, it makes me want to work harder! So reviews would be appreciated.**

**- caity :) xx**


	7. The Perfect Date

It's the first date guys! I'm not sure when I'll be able to update from now on. I may be able to update tomorrow, but after that there will not be an update until at least Monday as it is my birthday! So I won't be in much. Thank you so much for the reviews, they are well appreciated.

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee. Otherwise Cory would be topless more often.**

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**Finn POV**

She had never looked so beautiful in her life. She had the sexiest heels on, her hair was perfect... what am I saying? She was perfect.

"I think I'm your date for the evening, madam!" I grinned and she beamed back at me.

"Where are we off too then?" Rachel exclaimed, locking the door behind her. I helped her down the steps (because no matter how sexy those heels were, they were lethal for walking in) and went to open the car door for her.

"You'll have to wait, Rach. It's a surprise! It's more exciting that way!" I winked at her and swung the car door open; she climbed in and smiled at me.

"You're still so chivalrous! And only for you Finn, would I wait," She settled back in her seat as I slipped a CD in. I'd created a mix of songs we'd sang in Glee to listen to all evening. It was a thirty minute journey, as the place was just out of town, but Rachel seemed to be getting into the singing just as we arrived.

"Rachel, I'm afraid I'm going to have to blindfold you!" I smirked, pulling a scarf out of the backseat.

"What? No... Finn!" Rachel squealed, giggling as I grabbed her by the waist, swung her round and swiftly tied it around her eyes.

"Ready?" I asked her.

"Always!" I took her hand, feeling her soft, warm palm in mine and I directed her towards the gate. We walked down the path, then I grabbed her by the waist again and took off her blindfold.

"Like?" I asked.

**Rachel's POV**

I hated surprises more then anything, but Finn Hudson was always the exception to my sanity, so of course I obliged when he asked me to put my blindfold on. It was totally worth it.

When he took the scarf from my eyes, a gasp of surprise escaped my lips. We were in some sort of park and in the centre lay a white gazebo decorated in white fairy lights and stars. A table took centrepiece on the gazebo, with a pizza box in the middle. There was a path leading off the gazebo to a little river, where a picnic blanket was tucked under a bush.

"Oh. My. God." I gasped, "Is this why you weren't in school today?"

"Maybe. I got a little help off an old friend and we came up with this. You do like it right, cause if you don't I could maybe take you to Breadsticks down the road... They do really bad breadsticks though..." Finn gushed. I could hear the nerves hanging off every word.

"I love it, Finn. You couldn't have prepared anything more perfect!"

We walked over to the gazebo hand in hand where we shared the pizza and talked about everything from Glee to our home lives. At the end of the meal, we walked down the path to the river where Finn rolled out the blanket, asking me to sit down. I obliged and we cuddled for a while, watching the stars and listening to the river.

"Finn?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"This has been the most perfect night ever!" I leant over and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He kissed me back with a little more pressure, his tongue asking for entry to my mouth. I allowed, and I slung my arms around his neck, his hands moving to my waist. It grew more passionate, and my hands moved to his abs, stroking his chest. His hands crawled up my stomach, until he realised what he was doing and broke off the kiss.

"It was okay you know!" I said, " I wouldn't have minded!"

"There's still so much I need to tell you Rachel. And I don't want us to get too far, in case you change your mind about this - about us - when you hear it. I really like you Rachel, and this isn't the right thing to do on our first (or second, depending how you see it) date. Especially when I've not even asked you properly yet," Finn declared, a searching look creeping into his eyes. A feeling of dread crept into my heart, wondering what could be that important for Finn (a teenage **boy**) to stop going further.

"What? Finn, what?" I asked.

"I'm not ruining the mood of the evening. It's been perfect – you're perfect! But, there is something I want to ask you," Finn smiled awkwardly at me.

"What, babe?" I smiled back.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He took my hand.

"I'd love to!" I jumped into his arms and we kissed again, for what felt like hours. When we finally broke it off, we lay there for a while, watching the stars. Eventually, we walked back to the car, taking the blanket and the pizza box with us. He helped me back in, and we drove back to my house.

"Tonight has been perfect, something that dreams are made of. Thank you, so much Finn!" I smiled and kissed him on the cheek, "Goodnight!"

"Night, babe." He replied and he watched me into the house before getting back in his car. I ran up to my room and watched him drive away, a massive smile on my face.

That night, I went to sleep dreaming of Finn.

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Hope you enjoyed! Please review! :)

xx


	8. Heaven and Hell

I'm back! Sorry for the long delay, epically busy weekend with revision and exams and the weekend before was my birthday... but now the update is here! Now, again really sorry, but I'm going on holiday in an hour! So, I can't update until at _least_ Friday. I shall try to write on holiday, but I've got 8 exams when I get back, so I'm not sure when I can update again! Enjoy what's here and I'll try to update ASAP. The angst is back in this chapter! And thank you again for all the reviews and story alerts! Five more reviews when I get back would be brill... Warning about the language.

Anyway, this is getting really, really long so, enjoy!

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**Finn's POV**

Santana seemed to back off after I told her I was with Rachel. She seemed almost... cool with it. I guess I should have known better really – in the end, what Santana wants, Santana gets. I should have been more careful, tried to explain to her what a girl like Rachel Berry means to a guy like me. The end came way too quickly and all Santana could do was laugh. I was too upset to bring myself to hate her. Hell, for weeks, I was too upset to do anything at all.

**Rachel's POV**

The next couple of weeks were brilliant – as near to perfect you could ever possibly get! Finn and I went everywhere together, constantly returning to our special park. At school, we held hands in the corridors, washing slushies out of each others eyes and helping each other with homework (correction: Me helping Finn). After school and at weekends, we stayed at our park or at each others houses. I'd met Mrs Hudson and she was really nice. Finn was yet to meet my dads – I think he was putting it off – but I decided to give him time before pressurising him into meeting them. I realised how daunting it must be for a teenage boy to meet their girlfriend's dad, and I had one more then the average teenage girl. But finally it was Spring Break, and we had a week all to ourselves. My dads were on a trip to New York, and although initially devastated I couldn't go, I realised almost immediately the benefits of my fathers being away whilst I was off school. Finn could basically move in for a week – and to be honest with you, a full week with my perfect boyfriend sounded incredibly amazing.

After waving my fathers off to the airport, I dialled Finn's number into my phone and told him about my father's being in New York. He sounded delighted, so I rushed to get a DVD from the rental shop and a box of popcorn to share. Just as I had perfected everything, the doorbell rang. I skipped to the door.

"Hey beautiful!" Finn's voice rang out. I blushed (I could never get tired of hearing Finn Hudson say that) and opened the door to let him in.

"Hey handsome!" I winked back, and he laughed, grabbing my hand to pull me into a deep kiss. It lasted for longer then usual, our tongues darting around each others for numerous minutes and when we broke apart, we were panting heavily.

"What we watching then?" Finn asked, walking awkwardly to the sitting room.

"Avatar sound good to you? I presumed you may be tiring of musical after musical, and Avatar has an important message, so although it may not improve our performances for Glee, we aren't wasting our time watching a pointless film!" I gushed.

"Sounds perfect!" He said, settling himself into the sofa. I curled into him, almost like a cat, getting comfortable in his arms.

"Ready?" I asked him.

"Always!" He eagerly responded, and I turned the film on. It was really interesting, one of the best films of the decade I would say. However, I had seen it several times before, and I was growing tired of it.

"Finn..." I whispered.

"What, babe?"

"Kiss me?" I asked, and he brought his lips to mine. I leaned back and he lay over me, our tongues dancing around each other and sending butterflies to my stomach. We stayed like that for what felt like hours, trapped in each others embrace, our mouths creating what felt like _fusion_. It felt so good! After a while, Finn's hands started travelling to my skirt, flicking the hem and my hands went to his zipper, playing with it in my hand. Just as I was about to pull it down, the doorbell rang. The moment was ruined and we tore our embrace apart, flustered and blushing. I looked in the mirror to sort my tousled hair and then after smiling at Finn I went to answer the door.

"Oh God..." I breathed as I saw who stood on the other side of the door. He had curly hair, coated with gel and was tall, skinny and dressed in black. He was always dressed in black, I took this as a sign he was from the devil.

"You have to be kidding me! What the hell are you doing here?" I yelled at Jesse. He smirked at me.

"Rach, babe? What's up?" Finn's worried voice echoed from the sitting room, leading to a laugh (more like a cackle) from the devil thing stood in front of me.

"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. Long time, no speak! How's things been for you?" Jesse asked.

"Cut the pleasantries Jesse, I don't fall for that crap anymore!" I shot back. At the sound of the swear I'd used, Finn came behind me to the door, his easy smile changed into a look of hatred and disgust as he took in Jesse. He put his hands protectively around my waist.

"You seem to be doing well for yourself, boyfriend and all. Mind if I come in for a chat?" He said.

"Yes, I mind a lot!" I answered, my voice quivering.

"Give him a chance babe. What can he do when I'm here? He might wanna be your friend!" Finn, my trusting caring boyfriend whispered into my ear.

"Okay, Jesse. Come in," He followed me into the sitting room and I turned the television off, then I face him.

"What did you come here for?" I asked, clenching Finn's hand.

"There's something I need to tell you – for your own good. Contrary to popular belief, I still care about me, although you felt it perfectly okay to destroy my own feelings! It's about Finn," Jesse's eyes were serious.

"What? Don't you dare try and ruin me and Finn, it's two months on Thursday..." I breathed.

"Well, two months ey? I guess you're just about to ready to have sex with him then I guess?" Jesse's eyes were lit with malice.

"I suppose so," I said cautiously, not giving anything away.

"As a virgin that's a big step for you then?" He said. Finn looked at me, surprised, and with a jolt I remembered what I said at the piano. I smiled at Finn, who's eyes looked... almost frightened, and looked back at Jesse.

"Yes. It is. But it's a step I'd never wanna make with anybody else other then Finn!" I declared proudly.

"Wouldn't it be nice if you were both virgins together then?" Jesse softly breathed. I realised then what he was trying to do. I realised what he was insinuating. My heart broke into two, but I couldn't let him win.

"Yes it would, but things don't work out that way. Bye, Jesse!" I gushed, then I showed him to the door. He left in a huff.

I rested my head on the cold door, and when I finally turned around, Finn was looking at me with worried eyes.

"Rach, I can ex-" He tried to say.

"Don't bother Finn. Who was it with?" I spat.

"S-Santana," He stuttered, "But it meant nothing, oh God how I wanted it to be you! But I thought you'd done it with Jesse –"

"So that's your excuse?" I exploded, "Some excuse, Finn! Oh, you've had sex (wrong) so I'll go shag some Cheerio slag!"

Finn looked at me in dumbstruck horror.

"It wasn't like that at all, God Rach. I did it to try and get over you, to make things easier for us all!" He rushed.

"Well, it didn't work did it? Go!"

"Rachel... please!"

"LEAVE!" I screamed.

He left, his eyes flooded with tears. My own eyes were cold, until I shut the door, and collapsed.

I didn't want to let him see me cry.

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Review please? :)


	9. Action Plan

Well, I had an amazing holiday :) But, now I'm back with an update. Not sure if this chapter is any good, but this will be my last update in a while. Updates will now become rare due to complete and utter stress of exams, which finish on 25th June. I shall try to update at least once during this time.

Please review? :)

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**Finn's POV**

Rachel didn't turn up for glee the next day. Being honest, I wasn't surprised; neither was Santana. Santana and Brittany sat at the back, holding hands and chatting enthusiastically. Everyone else seemed a lot more worried. I ignored their conversation, knowing it was a matter of time before they turned to me. Sure enough, I was right.

"Finn, I don't mean to intrude in yours and Rachel's relationship. It's private – I totally get that. But I need to know where the hell Rachel is!" Mercedes bellowed.

"It's _three weeks_ before Regionals!" Kurt's voice, already unusually high for a man, stepped up a note with worry for his new best friend and the possibility of losing everything they'd ever dreamed for.

"Dude – we have _no_ time to waste!" Matt's voice called out from the back of the worried crowd.

"Yeah! I mean, this is _not _the ideal time for Berry to have an all out diva stress!" Puck blasted.

"All this shouting is making my baby kick the hell out of my stomach... Can we calm down?" Quinn's weary voice drifted through the indignant protests and everyone was silenced.

"Finn?" Artie, always the voice of reason said my name. I knew I'd have to tell them the grisly details.

"You all listening? Good. It all started with Jesse..." I hurriedly told them the full story. By the end, Puck's face was smirking at Finn finally losing 'The Big V' whilst the other 7 members looked at Finn with twisted faces of disbelief.

"_Dick..." _Tina cursed under her breath, wondering if the vampire act would work on Jesse.

Mike let out a low whistle. Then Kurt broke the silence.

"That was a major overreaction by Rachel. Even if she is our resident diva."

Puck grinned, "Too right! She's just jealous she hasn't had any action off Finn yet!" Seven disgusted faces glared at Puck, "What? Virgin's written all over Berry!"

This earned him a well deserved pinch from Mercedes. Everybody fell into silence again; a collective sigh rang out.

"Look guys, screw glee. I know we've worked _way, way, way_ hard for this. But our friends' feelings are more important right now. We need to make sure we're doing this for them and not for glee. Rachel, must be heartbroken. For, like, the third time in this semester. And the second time by the same guy. Finn – well, just look at him. He's a crushed man. Here's what we do. Kurt – you're good friends with Rachel, right? Ring her, get her here. She'd come if she though you needed her. Finn, mate, you've screwed up. Fair does, it was an overreaction on her part, but, you screwed up. So, what you do is find _another_ song. You seriously must be running out. And you sing it to her. Incorporate anything that she'll find cute. Be prepared to beg. New Directions, we are going to win Regionals. But firstly, we're gonna sort our friends' feelings out. Sorted?" Mike gushed. Everyone sat in stunned silence – even Brittany and Santana stopped their babbling.

I sat there stunned. It was a lot to take in. I mean, what song could I sing now? And what does incorporate mean? Furthermore, was that _Mike_ talking? Mike never talked much... Focus. Rachel. Song.

"I'm on it!" Kurt smirked, flicking up his cellphone as he left the room. Mercedes and Tina looked at each other, then rushed over to me, babbling about outfits and songs. I nodded wearily, pretending to listen, but all I could hear was the drumming of _Rachel, Rachel, Rachel _in my mind. Puck and Quinn weaved over (Quinn, as always, clutching her stomach) holding hands and smiling at me. I waited to feel the familiar pang of loneliness I always felt after Babygate. But there was nothing. Then it hit me, how much Rachel had done for me, and how much I had lost by not being honest with me. Rachel had healed me, helping me through the worst of times. She'd been there for me – bad day or good – cleaning up the mess I made, helping me through everything, from homework to personal issues. It didn't take much for me to be honest with her but I never returned any of the good she gave me.

Puck's free hand landed on my shoulder. Before, I'd have wanted to throw it off – to rip him apart. Now, I felt nothing but vague comfort and a reminder of the past.

"Dude..." Puck started, and that's all it took for the first tear to fall. By this stage, only Quinn and Puck were left in the room. Brittany and Santana left after the Mike speech. Mercedes and Tina dashed off to find clothes. Matt, Artie and Mike had gone to clear the auditorium and Kurt was on the phone to Rachel, to start the ball rolling.

"I'm not a wimp!" I shouted, "I've just lost so much this year already. Baby Drizzle, or Beth, whatever. My best friend. My cheerleader girlfriend. My virginity to a slut. My perfect girlfriend (twice). My home. My Mom to Kurt's dad! I can't stand to lose Rachel forever!" Another couple of tears fell before I simmered into an angry silence.

Quinn slumped into the seat next to me; Puck's hand remained on my shoulder.

"I know I might be the last person you want to hear from right now," Quinn started, slowly and softly, "But Rachel loves you. That love is so strong – seriously. I used to be so jealous of the fact she loved you so much. Now I think I was just jealous that I'd never felt that way about anyone – not even you, sorry Finn. But now I feel that way about two people, my baby Beth and Puck. I'm never going to let them go, because the love I feel is too strong. Sure, I get pi- annoyed, at Puck. When he won't let me eat bacon, or when he sexts Santana, or in general for knocking me up. But, I still love him so much. I'll ignore him for a couple of weeks, but, all in all, I'm never letting this boy go. Rachel won't let you go. You just need to prove how much she means to you, like when Puck buys me a bacon sandwich. Moments like that, I know it's true love!"

Puck coughed in the background, awkwardly, but he began to speak.

"She's right dude. I love her so much, I'll go against _everything_ I believe in for her. She's worth touching the odd bacon sandwich for. And although I still sext with Santana, I'm fighting my addiction to sex for her (this is _so hard_ for a sex shark). But I love Quinn. I really do!"

I drift off from everything that's happening, and at that moment, everything becomes crystal clear. The penny drops in my head. If _Puck_ can fall in love, I damn know I'm in love with Rachel Berry. I'm not giving her up – I'm not! I have no idea in hell how to prove how much she means to me though. Memories of us – Finn and Rachel – flash through my head. Three memories seem to have themselves on repeat.

_Don't Stop Believing. Virgin Cosmos. Bowling._

"I know what to do..." I utter, and I then become more aware of my surroundings again. Puck's hand is on my shoulder. Quinn is sat looking at me with a worried expression.

"I know what to do!" I say more strongly.

Puck gives me the typical Puckerman smirk.

"You gonna sex her up?" He sniggers, earning himself a disapproving look from Quinn.

"No. Puck, I need you to go to the nearest shop and get some Virgin Cosmos. Maybe a picnic blanket too? Oh, and a pink bowling ball. You can do that, you've been a badass since the age of four!" I order, surprisingly well. Puck looks at me, impressed with the compliment.

"I'm off then!" He flicks his collar, then saunters out of the room.

"Quinn... do you maybe have like, plastic cups? Or, a pillow I could borrow?"I cautiously ask.

She smiles at me, "I'll get my pillow out of my bag. I keep it for pregnancy cramps. I'll go ask the Nurse for plastic cups, we're really getting to know each other. I think she likes me deep down, even though she says I annoy the hell out of her!" With a giggle, she leaves the room as well.

I'm alone. But not for long.

"Hudson, you can do this! Rachel is your life. Without her, you're nothing at all. Psych yourself up." I mutter, walking around the room, searching for the right sheet music. Once I've found it, I practise, three times, though I know I've got this song down pat. Then, my phone buzzes.

"She'll be there in ten! – Kurt!"

"Ty dude" I type back.

Showtime.

(I don't even think Regionals could make me feel as nervous as this)


	10. Heart To Hearts

Thank you for waiting and the reviews :)! Four exams down, five to go :)! This chapter was helped by my lovely friend Joanne! Thank you Jo :)! Not much else really. Update maybe this weekend/early next week as my next exam isn't till Thursday. Please review? Five would be ace!

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**Rachel's POV**

I was studying -hiding - in the library when Kurt called.

"_Hello?" _I whispered down the phone.

"Hey Rachel, I need your help with something! It's kinda urgent!" Kurt's voice sounded worried and upset.

"_What's up? Shouldn't you be at glee?" _ I rushed.

"I could say the same for you! Anyway, massive slushie attack. Tina's sobbing, Mercedes new coat is ruined and my skincare routine is destroyed. We need all the help we can get. Can you come to the auditorium soon as?" Kurt's depressed monotone echoed down the phone.

"I'll be there in ten!" I said a little louder into the phone, earning a scowl from the librarian. No matter how determined I was to avoid the heartbreaking fool known as Finn Hudson, there was no way I would leave my friends in a time of such high distress. I backed away my books, cursing Karofsky, then began to run to the auditorium. Everyone was in class, so it was a quick journey. I pushed open the door of the auditorium, expecting to see slushie chaos and trauma...

No words could explain how surprised I was to see Finn stood on the stage, looking expectantly towards the doors. My first instinct was to run, but when I saw what he'd done for me I stalled. The stage was amazing: there were blankets and pillows in a corner, similar to what we'd kissed on for the first time. He had pink fairy lights on the piano (I wonder where he'd got them from?) just like the time he sang Without You to me and for some strange reason there was a bowling bowl slightly off the stage.

"Finn?"

**Finn's POV**

She looked so amazing. The look of shock on her face was oh-so-Rachel and beautiful. Her short skirt stopped my heart and my brain seemed to forget what I was here for.

"Finn?" Her unsure but clear voice brought my brain back to normality again. I couldn't help but feel over the sun that she'd not ran out.

"Rachel! Just listen, yeah? For us?" I blurted out, giving myself a mental smack as I realised how lame that sounded.

She moved from the back of the auditorium, her skirt swinging, and she slipped into a seat in the front.

"This better be good!" She stated.

The music began to play over the speakers and a look of recognition appeared on her face and in her eyes. I knew then this would be easier then I thought.

"_Just a small town girl,__  
__Livin' in a lonely world,_

_She took the midnight train goin' anywhere..."_

Rachel stood up, smiled and began to walk up the stage steps. _  
_

"_Just a city boy__  
__Born and raised in south Detroit__  
__He took the midnight train goin' anywhere..."_

Her strong voice rang out, hitting the notes perfectly. It filled the empty auditorium.

"_A singer in a smoky room__  
__A smell of wine and cheap perfume__  
__For a smile they can share the night__  
__It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers waiting__  
__Up and down the boulevard__  
__Their shadows searching in the night__  
__Streetlight people__  
__Living just to find emotion__  
__Hiding somewhere in the night_

_Working hard to get my fill__  
__Everybody wants a thrill__  
__Payin' anything to roll the dice just one more time_

_Some will win, some will lose__  
__Some were born to sing the blues__  
__Oh, the movie never ends__  
__It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers waiting__  
__Up and down the boulevard__  
__Their shadows searching in the night__  
__Streetlight people__  
__Living just to find emotion__  
__Hiding somewhere in the night_

_Don't stop believin'__  
__Hold on to that feelin'__  
__Streetlight people..."_

We continued singing the song, taking the verses as we had practised in rehearsals. When we got to the last bit though, Rachel stopped singing, and flung herself into my arms.

"I am so, so sorry Rachel. You would never believe how sorry I am!" I spluttered, stroking her hair.

"I know. We need to talk," She replied, her brown eyes looking up at me.

"I know... that's why I brought the blankets. You still like Virgin Cosmos, right?" She smiled at that, and I took her by the hand over to the corner of the stage.

Once she settled, I began to talk.

"I am so sorry. Like, you wouldn't believe, sorry. I tried to tell you at the beginning. I said there was so much we needed to talk about (but this isn't my excuse. I know there isn't one). It was a mistake. I slept with her for stupid reasons. Reasons I don't believe... that you won't believe. I got so caught in our perfect relationship and perfect life together that I never thought about it again. You were my future, I didn't need to think about my past. And I pissed everything up, and I know that if you don't want to give me another chance, that's fair. But I am, so, so, so sorry – you mean the _world_ to me!" I took a deep breath after that and poured her a drink.

"I'm sorry for the overreaction. I lied to you as well, so my reaction was deserved, but a bit over the top. I want to be with you, I want us to be happy together. Being honest, I don't think I'll ever be happy again without you..." Rachel sighed, looking me in the eyes.

"Does that mean...?" I didn't dare to believe her.

"Yes, it does! I really want us to be together!" She replied.

"You know, you can kiss me if you want to..." I grinned at her, and her giggle filled the room at the memory.

"I want to!" We leaned together and kissed.

It was perfect.

It was _so_ Rachel.

**Rachel's POV**

I was so, so happy Finn and I were together again. I loved him! Even if he didn't know it yet. We kept kissing and kissing on the stage, interrupted only by cheers from the back of the room.

"What the-" Finn started.

I glanced over to see the glee club whooping and smiling.

"Sorry to interrupt lovers, but we're just happy for you!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Looks like Finn's getting laid tonight!" Puck snorted, though he stopped sniggering after a dirty look from Quinn.

"You always have to ruin things, don't you?" She laughed.

"Alright kids, we're off to class now, have fun!" Mercedes winked, leading the others out of the room.

Finn laughed softly, taking my hand.

"Finn?" I asked.

"Yeah, beautiful?"I flushed at the name as usual.

"What's the bowling ball for?" Curiosity got the better of me.

"Well, remember we went when April was in Glee?" He replied.

"Oh yeah?"

"Well I thought I'd take you again. See if you've been practising?" He smirked.

"That sounds amazing! Now? We'd be cutting class?" Frowning, I looked up at him again.

"Sure, why not? I mean, it's not as if we're not cutting class already. Does that make sense?" Finn's face furrowed in confusion.

"Yes, Finn, it does! And, ok!" I smiled, squeezing his hand.

It sounded perfect.

It was _so_ Finn.

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Thanks for reading! Please review? x


	11. I Love You

Another update :O! Two in two days, how shocking? Well, I don't know if this is up to standard, I've got a bit lost really... But this wouldn't be the same without joanne 3 (hellojo1994)! She is writing a Finchel story which is going up tomorrow, so check it out :)! I hope you enjoy, tell me what you think! Bad, good, indifferent... tell me in a review :)! x

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**Finn's POV**

Bowling with Rachel was so immense! We just literally walked out of school, holding hands and then we got into my truck and drove off! At the alley we grabbed something to eat, then booked a lane. She used her pink bowling ball that I got her, and I felt so proud and it was so ACE. Now I was lying on my bed (after several cold, cold showers) thinking of her. No matter what, even if I thought of COD, Xbox, football and food, I just couldn't get her off my mind. She was so gorgeous – I couldn't even call her _hot_ 'cus that word just doesn't give her enough credit. I loved everything about her: her singing voice, her crazy jumpers and caring personality.

And that's when it hit me.

I _loved_ her.

I was in love with Rachel Berry.

_Shit._

I felt kinda freaked out, I mean _love _is like a really big word, even though it's only four letters. But just thinking of Rachel made it okay. The part of me filled with dread just faded away and it was replaced by this need to tell her. I jumped off my bed, and ran to get my cell off the dresser. As soon as I picked it up, it rang.

"_And I can't fight this feeling anymore..."_

Rachel's ringtone. She must be like, psychic or something.

"Hello?"

**Rachel's POV**

When I got back from bowling, I treated myself to a long bath. My dads were still in New York for two more nights, so I settled on the sofa and switched on the television to watch a long time favourite musical of mine – Funny Girl. I knew the story off by heart, and I didn't need the sing-a-long feature switched on as I was word perfect with the songs. However, today my heart wasn't in it. I kept drifting off, even in the really touching parts or the amazing solos. My brain kept Finn on repeat. I loved him, even if he didn't know it yet. I wanted to tell him. And I was kind of lonely, so I really wanted him with me.

So I did the sensible thing – I picked up my cell, and rung him.

"Hello?" Finn's voice echoed down the phone.

"Hi baby!" I smiled.

"Hey gorgeous!" Finn replied.

"Listen, do you want to come round for a few hours? I mean, you don't have to because we've spent all afternoon together but I miss you and my dads are still in New York..." I spilled.

"Why didn't you tell me before? I would never, ever, leave you alone for a night! Give me a sec, Rach," He put the phone on hold and I played with the end of the sofa nervously, waiting for him to come back. Then I heard the click of him returning.

"Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm staying the night, is that ok? It's alright with my mom and Burt, she says I shouldn't leave you alone! And they trust me and stuff, and I'm not a douche so I won't do anything..." Finn started to babble.

I laughed down the phone.

"Finn, Finn! It's ok! Come around when you want. I'll have some tortilla wraps ready? Vegan, of course!"

"I'll be there in ten!" He hung up.

I turned off the film quickly, and ran to the kitchen to prepare some of my special hoisin tortilla wraps.

**Finn's POV**

I rushed around to grab my stuff for Rachel's (there was no way I would let her stay on her own), shouted bye to my mom and then raced over. I even forgot about the Mailman for a minute! When I got there, I took a moment to compose myself so it didn't look as if I'd been rushing and gave myself a moment to think about how the 'I love you' was going to go. Then, I got out of the car and knocked on her door. After a few seconds, she answered it, looking gorgeous in a short yellow dress, covered with a pink apron.

"Hi!" I said breathlessly.

"Hi Finn! Come in, I'm just preparing the last of the wraps!" She opened the door further to let me in, then shut it, closing the latch and locking the door.

"Leave your bag on the sofa!" She called from way in front of me. I walked into the living room, dumped my bag on the sofa, and ran into the kitchen, grabbing her waist and picking her up.

"Finn! Put me down!" She squealed.

"I love you!" I blurted out.

_Shit, shit, shit! Way to say something important, Finn!_

A huge smile grew across her face, lighting up her face and giving her a beautiful pink tinge in her cheeks.

"I love you too!" She grabbed me by the neck and kissed me, a long and lingering kiss that I knew I'd never forget.

"I mean it, Rachel Berry! I really, really love you!" Once I'd said it, I couldn't get enough of saying it.

"I mean it too Finn – I really love you!" She replied. It seemed I couldn't get enough of hearing her say it either.

We stayed like that for a moment, her arms still hooked around my neck, looking deep into each others eyes. I grinned at her, and she removed her arms, going back to the wraps.

"How many do you want?"

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After tea, we settled on the sofa, Rachel cuddled into my arm. We watched some junk about celebrities until I got bored and yawned... loudly.

"Are you tired? I'm sorry, I didn't think. Is it ok for you if you share my bed tonight? The airbed is in the basement and the spare rooms not made up!" She asked.

"It's more then ok!" I winked at her, and she giggled, catching my lips with her own.

She stayed latched onto me, my tongue stroking hers. Eventually, we parted for air, but we continued stealing kisses from the other, until she caught my hand and led me towards the stairs.

"Rachel?" I asked.

"I want to!" She replied, and I saw love in her eyes properly for the first time.

"Okay..." I breathed out, and she attacked my lips once more. Once we got to her room, she slammed the door and pushed me towards the bed.

"Easy tiger..." I laughed, and she smiled at me. We stopped kissing for the first time since the documentary ended.

"I love you," she stated once more, before kissing me again. When we broke for air, I replied.

"Rachel, I love you too!"

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Hope you enjoyed it ;)! Gotta love Finn and Rachel getting it on! Please review :)! x


	12. Epilogue

_This is the end of Make Me Wanna Die. I didn't expect it to end here, but I think the story has come to a natural point of closure. If you want, there is always the chance of a sequel because of the way I have ended it, but unless you as my readers want it, I'm not publishing it. I hope you enjoy how this ends and things. I will be writing some other stories from now on, I have other ideas, so check them out! Thank you to everyone who's read this story and reviewed this/my oneshot. It means the absolute world. This note is getting way too long now so enjoy... Review if you like :) x  


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When Finn Hudson was in middle school, he wanted to be a stud when he got to High School. He wanted to date as many chicks as possible, be popular and play the school quarterback. Never for one moment did he think he'd get caught in a teenage pregnancy scandal, join the school glee club and meet the girl he'd want to marry.

When Rachel Berry was in middle school, she wanted to be a star and get through High School as fast as possible. She wanted to maybe be the lead in a school musical and then on Broadway, maybe not get slushied as much and have a couple of people she could chat with from time to time. She never thought she'd make eleven very important friends, realise that maybe becoming a star wasn't the most important thing and date the popular high school quarterback.

Strange how things worked out...

New Directions went all the way, beating Vocal Adrenaline (at last) at Regionals and placing second at Nationals. They sang together for a final time at the graduation party. It was high-strung and emotional, with tears in all their eyes and shared memories all around.

Kurt went off to major in Fashion Design and Music. Mercedes was accepted onto a Music Technology course. Tina got a part in a film and Artie became a doctor, feeling he could sympathise with those in pain. Quinn gained a place on a midwife course and Puck decided to expand his pool cleaning business for real. Santana got a collage scholarship in the physical arts, Brittany took a course in yoga, Matt decided to open a bookstore and Mike took a teaching degree to eventually become a dance teacher.

Finn gained a music scholarship and Rachel left to go to Tisch School of the Arts. Everyone was happy, ready to start afresh and new.

Pretty soon only Finn and Rachel had resistance to the new beginning, holding the others hands in Lima Park.

"I'm going to miss you, so, so, much..." Rachel said softly to Finn.

"Me too... so much. But we've still got the rest of the summer, and the rest of our lives!" Finn replied, smiling at Rachel.

This made her smile, and she raised her head to kiss him on the lips.

"I love you..." He said in her ear, his breath tickling the back of her neck.

"I love you too!" she replied, putting her hands around her boyfriend's neck. Since that day in her kitchen, they had never grown tired of hearing those words. After everything they'd been through, they knew how much those three words meant to the other and they never wanted to lose that meaning. They never wanted to lose the true love they shared, because they knew they shared something special.

Finn Hudson looked into his girlfriends eyes. He knew that he never wanted to leave this girl; she knew that she never wanted to leave this boy.

"Rach, can I ask you something?" Finn fidgeted with his hands in his pockets.

"Sure baby, what's up?" Rachel looked really worried.

"I know these next couple of years are going to be really hard, it's going to kill me not seeing you for weeks and months on end and well, I wondered if like, well it's not an engagement ring as such, it's a commitment ring and... well I guess it depends how you want it, but yeah, will you take it for me?" Finn babbled.

"Are you asking me to marry you?" Rachel exclaimed.

"Well, kinda, sorta, yeah. Not for years though! It's just so we never lose each other because college is gonna be tough. And, I love you," Finn took her hand.

"I'd be so honoured!" Rachel grinned, "You so can't tell my dad's yet though!"

She jumped up and kissed Finn, a kissed that lasted for minutes.

Finn and Rachel knew that what they had was for keeps.  


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_The end :)! Hope you enjoyed it. Be sure to check out my other stories and oneshots - no worries, they will all surround Finchel! x_


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